drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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