having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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