Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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