Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
