ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
