Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
