youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
