Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
