I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
