Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
