never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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