I think i peed on brittanys purse
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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