Non-Jews are for practice
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
