Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
