Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
