what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
