I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk is not a location!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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