There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
