I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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