my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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