garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
