Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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