You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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