i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
