drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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