how can u be prego again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
