Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
