how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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