i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the day after is always just damage control
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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