Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
