best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
