I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
