I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you win again, gameday.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
