My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
