I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
