I just saw a hot homeless man
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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