Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
