You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
