I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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