smell my finger.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
