i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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