you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
