In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want to fling myself into the sun
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
