I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
