she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
