i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
