Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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