I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
