we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
