His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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