Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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