This girl is more easily done than said...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
